Being a diving champion with a showcase full of awards, athletic body and straight As, she was the perfect model of teenager, or in fact, of every period of life she transcended. She was used to knowing what she wants and disciplined enough to always get it, but today she was not sure of that anymore.

An hour had passed since she was starring at the phone screen, frozen, wishing she could trick it into showing her the Whatsapp notification she needed. Her mind was torturing her to make a decision, making her feel trapped in the cage of her own expectations. She got up, in an explosion of frustration, and tripped over the open luggage she finished packing the night before. The pain in her toe electrocuted her. „Fuck, now it hurts on the outside as well” .

Hearing it out loud made pretending to be ok no longer an option. For the first time in a long while she felt weak, and she hated herself for that. The discipline needed for being the best taught her never to rely on others for what she wanted to happen. Angry on the memories that got her stuck in that filthy apartment, raging with self fury because she was still waiting for a sign to stay, she grabbed the phone, closed the suitcase and didn’t even bother to check the room before shutting the door behind her.

She was going to live abroad for a while, chasing the next trophy that will tell everyone she is the best. Including him.

Just like that, she stopped waiting for the phone to ring, as silence was the only confirmation she needed that she was making the right choice.

*Reinterpretation of something written more than 10 years ago. Original piece, here:

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