I wanted to wish you happiness, but then I asked myself: how can I wish you happiness, after all the endless hours we spent talking about it, trying to figure out what that is? Having coffee, wine or a cigarette and trying to find it – in ourselves, in each other and in the world around us. We only found that happiness is not something you can search for, because – as almost everything else in life – it comes and goes. The important thing is that when it does go away, you should remember that it will eventually come back, but not in the same place it left you. And that’s why you need to move on.
I wanted to wish you a lifetime of success, but lately, I learned that success keeps changing also. From winning corporate management awards to working in a coffee shop, I understood success can be either one. Because no matter the scenario I imagined, I came back to the same common ground: once you find the courage to redefine success, and decide to follow it regardless of what other people’s notions of it are, you will have it. So don’t let other people tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. Don’t let them stop you just because they are the ones afraid.
I wanted to wish you lots of friends, but one of your biggest „flaws” is that you have too many. Unlike me, you are very good at giving, and forgiving. I guess they are very similar, give or take a letter. I learned from you to forgive other people – even when they don’t deserve it – because forgiving feeds your soul. I also learned that you can never lose by giving. And while giving people wishful thinking is easy, true friendship, just as true love, is not easy. That’s why, instead of wishing you lots of friends, I will try to be a good one. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
I wanted to wish you a lifetime of adventures, but then again, that is what life is. So instead, I want you to enjoy your adventures, even if they are not the ones you signed up for. I want you to learn that every day teaches you something new about yourself. I want you to enjoy who you are becoming with every step you take, no matter the direction you are heading for. So take big steps once in a while. Hell, jump if you need to.
I want you to be fearless. Don’t ever let people take you for granted. Because you do not want people that take you for granted in your life. You also don’t want people that don’t give back, that aren’t there for you when you need them, that don’t share food, don’t text back, don’t make you feel comfortable being yourself, don’t accept your flaws, don’t see you for who you really are, people who don’t have room for you. You do not want to make room for those people in your life – not more than is required to learn that you don’t need them. I want you to be fearless like that.
I want you to find love, but there are better things than that in life. So I wish you find self-love, because that will actually solve all your fucking problems. Start by looking at yourself. Try accepting that you are beautiful inside out, that you possess a rare elegance, a distracted mind and a shopping addiction. The rest will fall into place once you do that. Year after year, one will be more mind blowing than the last. Because life tends to blow your mind, once you let go of what is supposed to happen.
I wish you would let go and stop counting. Stop counting down years. Because there is no count down. Because your better half, the part of yourself that already knows everything I want to wish you, is just beginning.